Obligatory Jim Mora embed:
Yes, Jim. I wanna talk about playoffs.
As Don and I - and only Don and I - can speak from experience, the playoffs in this league are not for the faint of heart. Weeks of preparation, execution, and shit-talking have lead us here. In the heat of the off-season - when the rest of you are unwittingly challenging each other for highest homo-quotient as you debate the ins and outs of baseball, or just mentioned it in passing; In the raging fires of the draft - while some of you auto-drafted, and others yet, simply failed; Through the inferno that is the regular season, demolishing some, and squeaking out wins against others via heightened roster management skills; this is how the teeth of a playoff-worthy contender are cut. There are no do-overs. Unlike this little r-tard that called into 106 Jams in Chicago about 15 years ago who needed three tries to get a shout-out to a hip-hop radio station right.
Apparently, the concept of a "live broadcast" was lost on this prototypical, pre-pubecsent, watched-Fresh-Prince-thinking-he-was-understanding-the-black-experience, suburban white kid immersed in hip-hop culture, Clint Hewetson of yesteryear. The more things change, the more they stay the same. This will haunt you at every turn for the rest of your days, Clint-kickin-it-on-the-southside.
Said r-tard. Frosted tips, indeed.
So those who controlled their own destiny to enter the playoffs handled their biz this week. That would be Frank and me. But mostly me. How about a shout out to those in the playoffs?
Give us our props, indeed. And a shout out to those not in the playoffs...
And here we have 4, count 'em... Clint, Frank, Dirk and Barron...
4 future Any Given Fantasy League also rans.
Clint searching for his first fantasy playoff win.
No! Further that way, Clint. Much, much further.
Nice basket, though.
Let's not forget Jessica, right next to Clint's best Burt Reynolds impersonation.
You're Welcome, America.
I recommend that you:
or for those of you with more sensitive sensibilities...
That is all.
- Mike Clements,
soon-to-be 2010 Any Given Fantasy League Champion
Let's see...where to begin. I'll first say, well done. You and Dr. H have CLEARLY been involved in this one from the get go seeing as how he is the only one with access to those pictures or that wretchedly white soundbyte. Not to mention that pink silk Hawaiian shirt and bucket hat..and frosted hair. What the fuck was I thinking.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I will address the fact that you said you and Frank controlled your destiny going into last week, which couldn't be farther from the case as you both required a combination of wins and losses to get in. (I on the other hand, had sealed the deal the week before) Another curious prompt was that of the "props for those who didn't make the playoffs" followed by a picture with me in it. I suppose the props could have been unrelated, and the picture was in reference to the "future also rans of Any Given Sunday" which I think is comical. Not in the funny joke kind of way, but in the fact I can't believe you think I will ever fade from relevance in a league that exists only as a generous specimen that I have painstakingly donated to the sterile plastic fantasy cup that is life.
In closing I will say two things:
1. One ought not to shite talk he who shites the biggest shite.
2. You have a "Mrs" now who
A.) hates fantasy football and
B.) would LOVE to help me find some embarrasing little Clements nuggets for my end-of-year-rundown just to fuck with you. The only difference is I'll be typing my post with the trophy sitting next to my computer instead of an empty Hot Box pizza and a wad of crispy tissues.
Good luck sucking cock this week. Cock suckers.